I met her through Fred, he and Kathy were living in a cottage behind Roberta and her future husband, with whom Fred worked making cabinets. She was beautiful, melancholy, and independent. I was in love with her from day one. She married, but it didn't suit her, so one day she saw an ad on the back of a matchbook for a career in blackjack dealing, and up and moved to Vegas. It was then that our real relationship started. It's lasted 40 years. I wrote this song for her after Fred, Kathy and I visited her in Las Vegas on our way to a camping trip near Death Valley. I hardly recognized her, she'd started wearing tons of makeup and was drinking and playing tournament darts. She was not out of control; quite the contrary. Everything she's done in her life has been with full awareness, even the free falls. She just has that kind of courage. Today she lives miles off the grid, in a canyon in the coastal hills of California, with her partner, on 15 acres of beautiful country, where she grows most of her own food and loves the animals more than she ever did most people. This photo was of her favorite girl ever. She's been my soul-sister most of my life, and even though we've drifted apart at times, we've always been there for each other. She's been my mentor too, in ways I'm still discovering. Most of all, she's been her own person, created her own reality in a world that sometimes overwhelmed her, but never put one over on her. When I think of her, I sometimes recall Don McClean's song, Vincent: "This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."
lyrics
She don’t see the sun much, these days anymore
She lays in bed til long afternoon
And she don’t seem to mind much if nothing much gets done
She don’t plan on goin nowhere soon
She don’t wear no watch no more and she don’t read the news
Cause that’s the kind of thing she left behind
She’s just living day to day, with nothing left to lose
She traded in her dreams for peace of mind
And Roberta, I whisper your name
And I know now, that no one is to blame
And Roberta, how much I miss you
But I’ll love you, whatever you may do
She used to be a waitress, back in big L.A.
With a husband and a two bedroom place
Now she’s dealing blackjack, living with this fat cat
She takes an hour just to paint her face
You ask her if she’s happy, she says she don’t know
Still she feels the change has done her good
And some folks think she’s crazy, but underneath they’re jealous
Because she found the guts they never could
Late at night Roberta comes out of her casino
And stares at her reflection in the moon
She lives in the next block, but as she takes that slow walk
She knows her lucky jackpot’s coming soon
And as she lays her head down, the silence overtakes her
Voices way down in her soul begin
And though some are amusing, still others keep accusing
And soon she knows she’ll have to move again
credits
from Songs For Fred,
released September 23, 2014
This recording is an old demo made in L.A. decades ago on a Tascam 4-track cassette recorder. I could have re-done it, but this is the version everybody from that time knows and loves, and so do I. The girl singing and playing fiddle was a studio musician I found in the want ads, and have long since lost her name. It's like that sometimes.
Grew up in L.A., next door to Rodney King. Foster kid, on welfare, muttsville. Heard John Prine at the Roxy when I was 16,
changed my life. Stumbled into KROQ in the 1980s, got my 15 mins of fame. Moved to the Northwest, found community, then lost them when compassion became their justification for fascism. I'm over humans. These songs feel like phantom limbs. Cats are my gurus now....more
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